#39 - breakdown

don't know whats happening to me ,

keep breaking down these few days.

working is such an exhaust, money spend so fast, no time for school projects, don't have a "great" family to help me out.

just checked my result yesterday, pass one and failed one.

FML seriously, one i got 3 exams coming out and i didn't even have the freaking time to do projects, no body seems to fucking care for the projects which is due on next wed , where the fuck i have time to do ?! especially i'm working on weekend la! i got no time for enjoyment like everyone else at my age. screw my work time man.

its not i don't want to do projects, i just got no freaking time to do it.

very SHAG is what i can say...

if only i know i will not take up this freaking diploma!

cause it just make me feel like a useless and weak! i HATE that.

i don't have a aim, don't have a dream, whats the point i'm staying?

Family- almost half of my pay went to mom, the remaining divided by half went to insurance. another went to bills, food, travel etc. super poor me.! ! why i don't have a rich relative or so? why i have been paying for myself since i first work ? for every single thing! eldest sis is mad that went oversea with another guy where she can give up on her family, second sis is saving hard for her studies. but she worked office hour, where she still have the time to relax a bit a home before sleep. youngest sis is still re taking her module and jobless and also can relax at home, go out with friends. why can't i just live like all others like my age ? screw my life seriously.

work- madness working hours with shift work and little pay. worst to worst my weekends is freaking burned to work.. and sch on sat. . now i got weird head, sometimes i really feel like slapping to her face. but thank god i have good colleague for work. (:

everyday of my schedule is freaking same, wake up, go work, off work, home bathed and sleep to prepre next day work then sch till late then home bath sleep. what the shit is my life . when i wanna grab someone out for night chill, i cannot find any. all i can do is sitting at under block and like a idiot. suddenly i got the feel like a abandon kids. and i just like to cry when i'm alone.

seriously i'm so tired of everything.